The Nightmare
by Karai III
Summary: Alex has been through a lot. It was inevitable that he would soon begin to face the consequences. PSTD. We all know what that is. Except Alex until he experiences it first hand. Alex's relationship with Wolf is tested severely. Companion for FBOFW
1. Chapter 1

**This was written months ago based largely on a dream or perhaps nightmare I'd had. The nightmare featured here is basically the same one I had except that I was the one watching.**

**It was disturbing at first but then I channeled it into this fic. Hope you like it. I was waiting for a while to post this because it sort of has spoilers for the ending of For Better Or For Worse but I can't get back into the groove for writing that story right now because of this funk i'm in. This story more accurately reflects my mood to a large degree and I can't see myself writing anything happy right now. **

**I'm not sure when that will change so just bare with me please.**

**Disclaimer: Why the hell do we write these things. Everyone knows they aren't mine. Right?  
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><p>"Good night Rachel" Alex gave her a quick hug before heading to bed.<p>

"What, no hug for me?" Wolf joked coming up the stairs with a wad of paper work under his arm.

"Like you deserve one." Alex countered

"Oh is that so?" Wolf responded ruffling Alex's hair; something he knew Alex hated. "Take it back."

"Yeah right." Alex mocked ducking out from under him and heading to his room.

"Run while you still can kid." Wolf called after him. "But I know where you live." He shook his head contentedly going into his room.

"I love having that kid around." Rachel laughed climbing into bed "He doesn't even realize it but-" she searched for the right word "This place is just more complete with him here." She explained

Wolf chuckled "That's just because you love kids."

"That is true." She conceded with a smile "But he's special too. Maybe because of everything that happened with the virus and all but he's grown on me."

"I know what you mean." Wolf agreed from the desk on the other side of the room. "Despite nearly getting us killed those first few weeks, he's a good kid."

Rachel snuggled down into the covers nodding in agreement. "I'm sort of glad things turned out the way they did with the other guardian." She quietly confessed to no one in particular. Wolf looked up for a moment somewhat surprised to hear that she'd harbored a selfish desire of that sort. But he didn't comment. He knew there was something special between her and Alex.

Things were good as they were right now.

Alex tossed and turned wreathing in pain, pain that was, for the most part, all in his head. He was having a nightmare but from the way his entire body felt, no one could tell him it was all just a dream.

**_The horrifying demon disappeared in an appalling show of folding in on itself after spewing Alex back onto the bloody floor. He lay there moaning and sobbing, every single bone his body a crumbled mess. He couldn't die. For some reason death wouldn't come. Something the beast had done to him. He looked up to the tall bed were Wolf was crouching watching the carnage, hearing Alex's screams all the while even as they were muffled by the crunching sounds of bone. But for some reason he wouldn't move. He had the chance to save him but the man just stared at him in terror, obviously surprised to find him still alive, but still not making a move to protect him, not even to comfort him for that matter._**

**_Apparently Alex's mess of a body wasn't worth the danger . Then the monstrosity suddenly reappeared ,eagerly taking Alex into the sea of teeth that was its mouth again and Alex wailed in compounded agony and betrayal. Wolf still hadn't moved or said a word._**

Alex's gut-wrenching wail reverberated throughout the house sending Rachel flying from her bed before she could comprehend her wakefulness; the incident from a few weeks back still fresh in her mind.

When she burst into his room a second later finding it void of intruders, her initial response was relief. But then she notice him wreathing in the bed in apparent mind bending torment, his eyes open and staring into blankness, and her pulse doubled again. She was reluctant to touch him for fear of aggravating the dream, but when calling him didn't work she carefully grabbed his shoulders hugging him securely, all the while trying to wake him with a calm voice.

After an agonizing minute of woeful screaming she was getting desperate. But suddenly, as she lay his sweat drenched head against her chest, he just stopped. He went rigid for a second and just held on to her like his life depended on it. His eyes darted around the room searching and then he said.

"Where's Wolf?" the question sounding so important, his voice fairly trembling

"He's gone to-"

"Why isn't he here?" Alex demanded without hearing her.

"Calm down Alex, calm down, it's just 4:00 am in the morning. He and Jake left for **Credenhill** a little while ago, he'll be back by noon tomorrow."

She watched him carefully noting how the fear wasn't leaving his eyes and how he was absently rubbing his limbs only just letting go of her. "Are you okay Alex? What happened?"

He wouldn't answer at first. He still didn't have a handle on reality yet but when it returned he became his reserved self again. Mostly.

"Its okay Rachel" He answered in a mostly steady voice. "I... I um," he gently shook his head to clear it, as though it hurt. "It was just a stupid dream, I'm fine now." he finally answered

She reluctantly stood up, not really assured of anything except that he was awake.

"I'll be fine" he insisted. He did not know how much his pain showed but he did perfectly remember the dream and the lingering insecurities he now had because of it, but she had helped enough.

"I don't want you to lose too much sleep. But thanks for coming, I think... I think I needed that." He admitted, feeding into her maternal desires. She still seemed reluctant to leave but he assured her that the assistance she had given him was enough.

"Okay Alex, if you say so."she opened the door to leave "maybe some music will help you get back to sleep." she added

"Thanks, I'll try it." Alex answered truthfully and she finally closed the door heading back to her room a little concerned but thankful that everything seemed okay.

Alex went to the bathroom and splashed himself with cold water. He studied himself in the mirror trying to figure out where such a painful and strange nightmare had come from. He hadn't played or watched anything with such a theme to it and even so he wasn't the type to get nightmares like that. Besides, what really troubled him was how realistically painful it was. The pain he felt while dreaming was worse than when the Scorpia disease had seized his body, much worse.

It was fading fast now that he was awake but such a realistic dream had a fear all its own and then there was the question of Wolf's cowardice in the dream. Really and truly, Wolf was no coward in real life and Alex didn't really doubt that Wolf would save him if he had to. He had done it before. But Alex still felt kind of unsure all of a sudden. The terrified yet apologetic look on Wolf's face from the dream was steady in his mind's eye.

Alex concentrated on shaking the nonsense from his head and went down to the kitchen to grab himself an icy glass of water before settling back into bed with his ipod.

The rest of the night was uneventful although he didn't sleep well.

But the next night was worse.

Rachel left for bed earlier than normal that night since she was working an earlier shift than past weeks, so Alex and Wolf had the front room to themselves for a while longer. Wolf was still working on a certain report he had to give and wasn't paying attention to Alex. But he did notice him dozing in the sofa at midnight while he went by to grab a snack from the kitchen.

He called him loudly having learned not to touch him as he slept.

Alex popped up easily enough wiping the sleep from his eyes. "You're not usually up this late. Go to your bed." Wolf advised him

"Yeah, okay." he answered drowsily. He gathered up the books he had in his lap before bidding Wolf goodnight.

"Hold on a sec," Wolf met him at the bottom of the steps. "Rachel told me about you wanting to ask me something last night but I wasn't here." he began

"Oh she did?" Alex asked slightly annoyed

"Yeah," Wolf answered either ignoring or not noticing his annoyance "I'm here if you wanna talk about something you know. I don't want you to go off trying to solve some problem you have with a crazy life threatening idea when you can come to me."

Alex laughed despite himself; amused by Wolf's concern. "Although I do enjoy some life threatening activities," he answered wryly "I appreciate your help. Maybe I'll take you up on your offer sometime. As for last night, it was just some crazy dream and I got kind of confused. When I fully woke up it was nothing." He explained

"Okay then," Wolf seemed relieved and Alex had to appreciated how much effort the guy was putting into giving him what he needed to be comfortable _and _secure.

"Also the team is leaving for Brecon Beacons day after tomorrow for reserve duty training." he added "We have to keep in shape while we're off duty. "

"What, I'm not invited?"

Wolf looked at him evenly "You're free to come actually but you're stuck for two weeks and I don't imagine you volunteering for that."

"No, I don't imagine that either." Alex agreed "So I'll see you in two weeks then. Cool."

Wolf studied him with narrowed eyes but didn't comment. "Okay then, go to bed."

"Yeah, good night."

Wolf grunted in reply

As he climbed into bed Alex made a mental note to sleep and dream more quietly if he could. Really, sometimes Rachel was a bit too attentive and he just wasn't used to it. Jack was more like a big sister, she looked out for him but gave him his space.

But he got the feeling Rachel wanted someone to take care of. He didn't mind being cared for, it was nice, really, he just didn't want to be coddled.

But by 4 o'clock in the morning, he felt a little differently.

**_The dream is longer this time. More detailed. Scorpia set the demon loose on him. A satanic adaption of a scorpion. MI6 turns their back. Scorpia asks an impossible question and Alex and Wolf give the wrong answer. Alex is punished. He's to be killed by the beast, eaten alive but he lives. The creature poisoned him. It can hurt him but he can't die and Wolf has turned his back as well. Alex moans for his help whenever the monster takes a break, but the man turns away in horror. The cycle continues but Wolf never comes, even when he can. He can't wake up because the dream wont end. The dream won't end because he hasn't died. But no one is here to wake him..._**

Alex waked with a start when his head hit the nightstand as he fell off the bed. He got up on his hands and knees trying to steady his racing heart, but his limbs were weak with pain and he could taste bile rising in his throat. He struggled to stand up so he could make it to the bathroom in time. The clock by the lamp said 3:17am.

He made it to the bathroom not a second too soon but there was nothing really to come up. He dry retched for a minute until he collapsed onto the floor still trying to calm down.

He ran his fingers through his hair to steady himself but he found that the spot where he hit the table was bleeding.

He finally got up and stared in the mirror as he did the night before, but this time he was a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and teary and a small concussion was forming on the right side of his forehead. Sweat was running down his face and he was still unsteady.

"Where the hell is this crack job nightmare coming from?" He whispered wiping the sweat from his eyes "And why the fuck is it so real?"

What was now scarier was the fact that he couldn't seem to wake himself. What was he going to do if he kept having this dream? Was he really so haunted by Scorpia? The fear of their return, their lack of mercy and strangely Wolf's complete inability to save him in the face of real, painful danger was manifesting in this dream apparently.

He decided to forget sleeping for the rest of the night and instead showered and cleaned up his head and went down to the front room to sort out himself.

But the shower worked against him instead fueling his drowsiness. Although he was scared to fall asleep again he couldn't help it. He hadn't even realized that he'd fallen asleep until Wolf was gently waking him for school a second later.

"Huh, what?" He jumped up completely confused.

"You've got to get ready for school." Wolf patiently explained looking more than slightly concerned

"Oh, shit" Alex exclaimed jumping out of the sofa and rushing upstairs angry at himself for how dependent he was becoming. His frustration and annoyance were further fueled by his tiredness and a developing headache. He calmed slightly when he found that he wasn't running as late as he'd assumed and the midnight shower saved him some time, apparently just enough for Wolf to confront him at the door.

"What happened?" He jumped straight to the case

"I'm gonna be late Wolf." Alex countered moodily. But Wolf wasn't in the mood either.

"Cut the bullshit Cub, you still have 15 minutes to leave. What happened to you last night?"

"Look I don't feel like talking about it. It's nothing big."

"Yes, it is something big. We come down at 5:30 this morning and you're sleeping in the sofa with a concussion and blood in your hair. You didn't even budge when I cleaned it up. I was beginning to think you were unconscious. Explain."

Alex didn't bother hiding his annoyance or surprise, but he gave him the main points of the problem feeling somewhat obliged to.

"I had a nightmare and fell off the bed. I hit my head in the nightstand and I didn't realize it was so bad else I would have cleaned it properly, happy? " He tried edging past Wolf but he was blocked.

"Look, I know you're in your rebellious teen mode and everything," Wolf answered sharply "But there is nothing wrong with me trying to make sure you're okay. Things have happened in this house and I don't know about you but I haven't forgotten about them." He snapped."Stop acting like you're afraid of me. You'd think you still didn't trust me."

Alex hadn't expected that last bit. "Of course I trust you. If what we went through doesn't build trust then what does?" he feigned ignorance knowing that Wolf's observations actually held some merit.

"Not really you don't, You don't need to act all defensive when it seems like I care about what happens to you. I'm just making sure you're okay."

Alex was taken aback and he was sure it showed. He had no idea Wolf really noticed the gap that still existed between them, much less cared about it. Yet if Alex didn't know better he'd say he seemed hurt.

"Now get out of here before you're late." He concluded stepping aside and into the kitchen.

Alex stared for a moment as though just noticing Wolf properly since morning. " Yeah," he answered hesitantly "Thanks" he added just before closing the door.

Alex thought about what Wolf had said while heading down to the station. Really, he did trust Wolf, he was sure that Wolf would help him if he could. He just had a hard time letting down his own guard. But another part of him thought differently.

If he couldn't let go then he didn't really trust that Wolf could-or would- help him in adversity. That's why he kept up his guard so faithfully; to save himself. That was why in the dream, his helplessness was so terrifying.

The whole nighttime problem would probably be solved if he just properly accepted and trusted in Wolf's ability to help and guide him.

But he didn't get his chance that night and despite his allusions to his own self sufficiency, Alex suffered from Wolf's absence, more than anyone thought possible.

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><p>Alex awoke dizzy and short of breath. This time, the sixth time, he'd nearly suffocated in the pillow but it served to wake him. He stared at the clock which showed 1:29 am. His vision was becoming blurry with tears both from the the remnant of the same terror he felt every night upon wakening, and from the realization of his now day time vulnerability as well; he couldn't sleep anymore.<p>

If he wanted to escape it, he had to stay awake. He furiously blinked away the tears and stumbled into the bathroom and then he suddenly decided to go for a walk.

"That's great idea". He thought trudging down stairs in his slippers. He could walk around in the yard for a bit, the chill of the night would probably calm him down.

He opened the front door without bothering to grab a jacket or even a blanket and was somewhat pleased to find it snowing. He stepped out onto the porch where the icy wind pleasantly cooled his flushed skin.

Stepping into the light accumulation,he ignored the now uncomfortable chill and slowly walked up the road to no where in particular. Just aimlessly lumbering under the street lights. It was relaxing to a certain degree but he did not want to relax. Relaxing meant he'd become sleepier and he only wanted to calm down so he could think.

His head was pounding and some of the pains he felt while dreaming were lingering when he was awake; ghostly, barely comparable, but uncomfortable none the less. He trembled uncontrollably most of the day. His attention in class was suffering and Tom was beginning to worry. Deep down, Alex knew it was only a matter of time before something disastrous happened, not the least of which he envisioned to be another attack from Scorpia despite MI6's assurances.

And if the contents of his dream were any indication, what ever they did would devastate him for the rest of his life, neither was MI6 going to help him and worse of all, it seemed like Wolf wouldn't either..

About twenty minutes later, when his feet where numb and his nose was running, he decided to turn around and head home again feeling mostly the same way he did before he set out. Angry, scared and tired. But he wasn't going back to sleep.

When he got back, the light was on in the front room and Rachel was up. To his surprise, her expression when she opened the door for him changed from relief to rage.

"What the hell were you doing Alex?" she shouted the instant he was inside. "What were you thinking? In the middle of the frig-gin night with nothing but a t-shirt. A blasted t-shirt, Alex are you trying to kill yourself?" He quietly shook his head.

"And you didn't even close the door properly, you could of brought in vandals on me." she continued shouting "What possessed you go for a walk in the middle of the night with no clothes, I want an answer Alex! I thought you'd been kidnapped, only to find you were out strolling in the damn snow! What were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Alex honestly answered in a miserable tone. "I just thought if I got some fresh air I could forget this nightmare and sleep. I don't know what else to do." His fatigue was catching up with him. "I absolutely didn't mean to put you in danger." He was interrupted by a face splitting yawn

Rachel barely calmed down, she still couldn't let go of the anger and fear she felt at waking up to a cold gust of wind streaming under her bedroom door and Alex being absent from the house completely.

"Go up stairs to your bed and stay in it." She commanded sharply with out looking at him. "We'll talk about this tomorrow. I have to call back James to let him know it was nothing."

Alex's unusually downcast face showed interest as she said that.

"Can I talk to him for a moment?"

She completely ignored him as she made her call and he noticed that she had to make an effort to steady her hands, so he just stood there waiting.

Listening to her side of the conversation, Alex felt even worse having worried her so, because she was always so careful and attentive to his needs and safety. She really cared about what happened to him and here he had worried her half to death.

She said something to Wolf about having sent Alex upstairs. Then she told him to hold.

She turned to Alex as though surprised that he was still there and the look on her face made him reluctantly back up a couple steps, but then she was handing him the phone. She stalked by him upstairs to her room.

Before Alex was able to say a single word Wolf let loose a tirade of derogatory remarks, about how careless and inconsiderate he was and about his inability to follow directions. Alex inevitably felt worse realizing how much they had worried and because of putting Rachel in danger, but when he tried to say this Wolf wouldn't let him. He didn't let him say anything actually and when he was finished he sent him to bed and hung up the phone never letting Alex get a single word in.

Alex stared at the phone in dismay for a moment before hurling it into the sofa where it bounced out onto the floor. "How am I supposed to ask for help if you won't even listen?" he yelled through tears of frustration which he fiercely blinked away.

He marched upstairs into his room much more down hearted than he had been when he left and slammed the door. He sat in the middle of the bed listening to his ipod for the rest of the night while trying to figure out a plan of action for the next day. He decided that in this matter, he was on his own.

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><p>"Come on Alex, you've got to stop now." Alex completely ignored him even when he shook his shoulder. He was trying to completely immerse himself in the video game he was playing at Tom's house. He'd been spending the last four nights there in the hopes that a change of scene would help but none of them had been any better than at home except that no had told him to move from in front of the game when he decided to stay up, until now that is.<p>

"Alex you can't keep going like this. It's 1:00 in the morning and this is the third straight day." When Alex still wouldn't respond Tom stood in front of the screen. That got a response.

"Move!" Alex yelled severely annoyed and Tom couldn't help but notice that he seemed dangerously irritable.

"This isn't solving the problem. You're gonna drive yourself in to the ground with no sleep."

"What part of I-can't-sleep- do you not get!" Alex shouted jumping up. Tom involuntarily stepped back.

"Alex be quiet before you wake up my mum." He quietly commanded

Alex only lowered his voice slightly before continuing to rant. "I can't go to sleep Tom and I told you that. It's not going away and I can't take it. I'm gonna go mad. So move out of the fucking way."

"You're gonna go mad anyway if you don't get any sleep. The teachers are beginning to notice, your grades are falling and you're absolutely no fun to be around anymore." Tom argued in a harsh whisper "All you do is snap and curse at everyone."

"I wouldn't have to snap at them if they didn't literally stand between me and a little peace of mind for no fucking reason." Alex hissed at him moving to bodily get him from in front of the TV.

Tom knew he couldn't normally win Alex in any kind of fight but Alex was not at his best so he didn't back down.

"I said get out of the way." Alex's voice was beginning to take on a whining tone as he grabbed Tom by the shoulders to shove him away but Tom was faster and in a moment Alex was on his back on the floor being held there.

"Get off of me!" Alex yelled in surprise. But Tom just silently stood still holding him there till he had no more fight left in him. "You're not gonna get anywhere by ignoring this, its not gonna work." Tom tried to explain in a civil tone but Alex wouldn't listen. He wouldn't even look at him. He was so tired he looked crazed and sick with half-lidded, red-rimmed eyes, struggling weakly.

"Just get the hell off of me Tom, If you where such a fucking expert you could of helped me by now." His voice was quieter and he sounded close to tears.

"I'm trying to help you Al, this is stupid; there's got to be better way to approach this."

"Stop trying to make me sleep, Tom." he was crying now barely lucid. "I can't wake up when it happens. I get trapped in that hell and no one will help me."

He stopped moving for a moment, to compose himself. He peeled his eyes open bucking Tom of with more energy than a minute ago. "Get the hell off of me & go away." When Tom didn't move he tried to clip him on the jaw but Tom managed to dodge and held down Alex's unruly arms with renewed conviction.

"Will you just shut up and think a minute." Tom hissed at him. "What you're doing makes no sense. Have you tried seeing a doctor?"

Tom had never seen Alex cry before, not even when his uncle had died, but he wasn't going to let up. He was pretty sure that if Alex just let the wretched thing run its course he'd be rid of it.

"You're suggesting that I see a damn shrink?" Alex whined incredulously

Tom nodded hesitantly

"What for Tom, so he can tell me it will go away in time?" He groaned in desperation trying to buck Tom off again.

"Alex you're not thinking straight and its because..." Tom trailed off knowing Alex wasn't listening. He seemed to be locked away in his own world sobbing quietly.

When Alex had stopped begging and was limp underneath him. Tom finally released him and got a blanket from his room to cover him with. He decided to camp out in the sofa next to him in case he really needed help during the night but within ten minutes he was out like a light. He did not wake up when the thrashing and pain filled moans started nor did he notice that it continued intermittently for the better part of the night.

When he did get up at about 5:00am to go to the bathroom he noticed Alex lying very still some distance from where he had been but his eyes were open.

"Hey Al, you awake?" he called softly, receiving no answer. When he stepped over to check he noticed his mouth was moving repeating the same words over and over and then Tom suddenly realized that he was still asleep. Somewhat delirious begging for help from someone. When he was finally able to shake him awake, Alex simply stared at him for a long while with a pained expression of terror and abandonment. Then his face cleared and he handed Tom his blanket and grabbed his coat from the couch. He never undressed for the night, never having intended to sleep at all. When Tom could take the silence no longer he grabbed his shoulder trying to get his attention.

"Hey man, I'm only trying to help you , if this doesn't work you shou-" he began but Alex shrugged him off with a cold shove. "Don't _touch _me!" he whispered icily.

Alex grabbed his overnight bag. "I'll show myself out." he coldly informed his once best friend before he could get in another word. "Come on Alex, I'm sorry this didn't work but-" "Shut up Harris." Alex interjected venomously. "Don't _try_ to help me again." Alex knew without a doubt that his few allies in his messed up world, were distancing themselves from him, no longer worthy of his trust or time. Right now he did not want to see Tom again.

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><p>"Rachel?" he called her quietly from the kitchen doorway. It was only three days till Wolf was back but he wasn't sure how much more of this no sleep he could take. He was miserable all day all night, he just wanted it to end. Somehow since the severity of the dream had to deal with Wolf to a large degree, he felt that maybe Wolf could help him fix it. If only he would get back.<p>

"Yes?" her voice was laced with compassion for him but there wasn't much she could do because he wouldn't let her help him. He insisted that sleeping it away wouldn't work and that only Wolf could help. But maybe he was changing his mind.

"I don't know what else to do." he stumbled over to the table watching her wash her hands of the chicken she was preparing to come over to him.

"I wish it would just go away." He held his head in his hands. He looked pathetic with dark rings under his bloodshot eyes and a pale sallow complexion.

"Come," she beckoned for him to come into the sofa with her in the living room. "Tell me about it. Tell me the whole dream, it might help."

He stared at her skeptically.

"It may at least help me to see whether you should go to the doctor about it" She reasoned

"Doctor's can't help me, Its something I need to sort out." He answered firmly

" Just relax, I'm not saying to sleep or go to a psychiatrist. Just lay your head in my lap and tell me everything."

He reluctantly complied taking comfort in the physical contact.

"Now start from the beginning and take your time; the dinner can wait and I have all evening.

Alex nodded and shifted slightly "At first it was short and pretty simple but its gotten worse every night. Now it kind of makes sense but I still can't understand why it hurts so much."

"What is it that hurts?" She gently prompted while running her fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture.

"This monster that Scorpia sends after me. It's shaped like a scorpion and … its..." he shifted again "Its ...it eats me alive." He paused and swallowed nervously. He could see the image of his menace in his minds eye but without it his statement seemed silly. He felt compelled to describe it in more detail so she wouldn't laugh at him. "Its... um...I" His breathing quickened "The men at Scorpia, they ask me, ask us...Wolf and I a question."

He shifted uncomfortably and Rachel tried her best to calm him "Take your time, Dear. I'm listening." Alex was somewhat thrown by her use of that word of endearment but he continued after a moment of thought. "Neither of us could answer it so...suddenly this, this demon appears." He stared at a spot on the floor where he imagined it seem to be jeering at him and he shivered. Tears sprung to his eyes when he couldn't shake the image.

Rachel could not see the tears but she heard them in his voice when he continued.

"I always fall backwards over something when I try to back away." He exhaled shakily "And then it bites my leg and I... I actually feel its teeth breaking my bones." He was shivering more violently now despite Rachel trying to rub soothing circles into his back. "And then it bites my thighs crushing them completely and I feel that too." His voice was cracking with barely suppressed sobs but Rachel did not stop him. He needed this.

"And when it reaches my chest and I feel my ribs breaking, I'm hoping to die. I expect that its going to kill me now but I don't die." He sounded particularly confused and perturbed by that fact. "Then it bites my face and my head and I can't..."He was sobbing now and Rachel feels tears welling up behind her own eyes. "I can't really see because there's so much blood in my eyes. But I know I'm in its mouth and I'm not dead. But then... then it spits me out back onto the floor and disappears.

But then..." he paused for a while seemingly overwhelmed until his crying baking more pronounced "I notice Wolf standing nearby and I know he's scared, I can see that he's terrified but...He won't help me."

Alex sniffled violently, "I scream to him for help, since the monster is gone you know," he can barely talk now, "and he won't come. H e just stares, but he won't help me. And then, then the thing suddenly comes back and it eats me again and he won't help. And the cycle continues forever until something wakes me up because I can't wake myself." He was curled into a fetal position now absently rubbing his arms from the memory of the pain.

A moment later he grabbed her hand to stop it moving through his hair frightened by how much drowsier it made him feel.

"Oh." Rachel sighed "Poor child." she whispered "No wonder its so troubling. This sounds like a serious case of Post-traumatic stress; you've been through too much"

"If I could just talk to him myself I might feel better." he concluded

"It's not only that. Deep down you need to feel that you can trust him to protect you no matter what happens; without doubt. I know we won't be able to eliminate the Scorpia threat and apparently you don't believe MI6 can either, but we can at least help you feel as secure as possible."

"I just want to be sure that he would help me if I really needed him, that's all."

"He would have to prove that to you himself" she thought out loud "Me telling you wouldn't cut it; he needs to convince you."

"So I'll just have to wait to talk to him when he gets back."

"Right, then if that doesn't work then we'll take you to the doctor to find out for sure. In the mean time I want you to try sleeping a little without dreaming."

"No! What are you talking about?" he tried to sit up fighting down a sudden sense of betrayal but she forced him back down. "Just lay right here. Insomnia medicine often helps you into a dreamless sleep. If you could just rest a little without dreaming I know you would feel better. I'll help you through the rough spots or wake you if needs be but you need even a half hour nap."

When he opened his mouth to argue further she gave him a stern no nonsense look and pushed him back down again.

"Lack of sleep causes nightmares Alex." she stated matter of factly "Yours are being aggravated by the sleep deprivation. That could explain why it gets worse every time. If and when you fall out three days down the road it could be that much worse. Just lie down. I promise that if it looks like your dreaming or you show signs of pain I'll wake you up. Okay?"

"No, Tom-" he managed to climb out of the sofa out of her grasp but she interrupted

"What Tom did was different and it hurt you more than helped. I give my word that the moment you show signs of being uncomfortable I _will _wake you. I swear."

He stood back from her. The conflict of desires played out on his face.

"I'll get a blanket from upstairs and the Sominex." she announced deliberately giving him room to think. When she came back, he was sitting in the other sofa with his face in his hands.

She sat next to him and spread the blanket around him. "Come" The one word had so much compassion and Alex wanted to sleep so badly. The pillow in her lap was so inviting but the images of many nights past hovered just beyond his vision. Lingering pain coming to the fore.

"I'll be right here to wake you." She gave him two tablets and a glass of water which he stared at cautiously. "Maybe all you really need is some comfort and reassurance." she added

"Why is there sleeping pills here?" he asked before he took it. "James has seen his share of ugly things too." She explained "Nightmares aren't uncommon."

He thought about that for a moment before he hesitantly took her offering and downed them in one gulp. She gently pushed him into her lap afterward. He didn't resist. He didn't have the strength to resist.

"I'm begging you Rachel to wake me up soon. Please"

"I will." she promised

* * *

><p><strong>I decided to brake it right here and make it a two shot since it was over 10,000 words. I'm not trying to give anyone nightmares but I felt I need to explain what it had looked like to me when I dreamt it. Thinking back I think it had been slightly influenced by I book i'd read at the time.<strong>

** Oh well, anyway let me know what you think. Next chapter is already up.  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Here you go, Part 2**

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later ,everything went to pieces.<p>

Rachel had quietly sat, reading her book as Alex slept, not a sound came from him for nearly half an hour and he hadn't moved either. There had only been a bit of sweating which she attributed to the fact that she had covered him with quite a heavy blanket. Other wise he'd slept well.

Then suddenly, with no prior indication, he started shaking and screaming miserably. His brow was drenched despite the absence of the blanket.

She immediately shook him awake calling him in a soothing voice telling him to calm down even as he hastily scrambled from her lap. She hugged him where he sat slumped over on the floor so he would be able to properly grip reality and steady his breathing. But out of no where he suddenly shoved her away, scrambling away to a corner of the room. "Don't TOUCH me!" his agonized voice filled the house

She backed away further, completely baffled.

"You promised! You swore and I trusted you!" he yelled at the top of his voice.

She took a step towards him "Alex what do you mean? I did-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" his voice was already painfully hoarse and his cheeks were soaked with tears. "You lied! And I bought it. I believed that you would do what you said"

"No Alex ! That was the first sound you made. You were sleeping like a baby until then. I di-"

"No! You lied, just like everyone else does. Everybody is a #$% liar. No one will help me, no one wants to, they're all liars!" he withdrew further into the corner with his knees drawn to his chest.

Rachel was close to tears herself "Alex please just listen to me. I did not lie to you. I woke you the very instant you screamed. I-"

He jumped up with astonishing speed "You only woke me when you wanted to, yet you promised to shield me from it. You said you would help! That's not helping!" His eyes darted around seeming to search for an escape. "I hate this place; this whole entire #$% up world and everyone in it! I hate you all!"

"Alex please wait! I'm telling you the truth. Please just calm down and listen to me." she pleaded desperately.

"No one tells the truth! But I've got a solution. And none of you is a part of it!" he started to back out of the room keeping his eyes trained on her like a wounded animal.

She dared to approach him hoping not to make a volatile situation worse. "Alex please don't do anything dr-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he ran upstairs watching her with something akin to fear. "Don't tell me what to do, 'cause you're not trying to help me. You're with them. Everyone is. I won't escape it as long as I'm alive!" he ran into his room and slammed the door.

"Alex! Let me help you damn it! You're not your self." She yelled, but he didn't answer.

Rachel was at her wit's end. Only Wolf could stand up to him and make him see sense now but she couldn't even call him until 8:00pm; an hour from now. She'd use the emergency line. After all it was only fitness training. They needed him here.

By the time she got through she was in tears and she could hear Alex moving stuff in his room presumably packing; she didn't want to imagine what else the sounds could be.

"Rachel, what's the matter, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, its Alex. I'm scared James, really, really scared this time. I think he's about to do something drastic, and I can't stop him."

"Slow down Rae, what happened?" she tried to steady herself knowing she had his full attention.

"The nightmares he's been having, they're getting way out out of hand. He hasn't slept, I mean totally hasn't slept for ten days."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. You need to see him, he's a mess. I'm almost afraid of him. He's been trying to wait until you come back so you can help him, he thinks you're the only one who can." She was interrupted by the sound of something heavy dropping in the room. "Oh My God." she gasped looking up "I have to see what that was."

She ran up the stairs two at a time hoping not to find …. "Alex! Alex please, it's me."

"Rachel, put the phone on speaker." Wolf commanded her trying to stay calm himself.

"Alex, answer me!" she screamed at the door. Not hearing what Wolf had said.

"I said LEAVE ME ALONE! Can't you do that? Just get the #$% away from me, I'll be out of your house in a minute."

"Rachel put the phone on speaker and open the door to his room."

Instead she back tracked to her room. "James I'm afraid that if I were to open his door right now he would hit me. He's that mad right now. He's crazed with fear and loss of sleep"

"Tell me what happened, calmly."

"This dream is troubling him so badly. It's Scorpia after him, sending some sort of man eating beast after him. The government won't help him, and one of the biggest problems is that in the dream you refuse to help him and apparently it's so painful that he'd rather not sleep altogether. But he can't go this long without a single wink of sleep else he'll burn out. And he won't go see a doctor."

"That's what you think!" Alex interjected as he made his way down the hall with a small knapsack slung over one shoulder "You think you know everything but you don't." he ran down the steps heading for the door.

"Please wait Alex I'm sorry, please don't do anything stupid."

"Trying to solve all these problems in my life is stupid? What would you have me do, learn to live with them?" He retorted scornfully

"Rachel please put the phone on speaker so I can talk to him." Wolf commanded in a stern voice

"Alex listen. Wolf is right here on the phone, he wants to talk to you." She was pleased to find that using Wolf's codename the way Alex did, threw him ever so slightly so that he glanced at the phone.

"Listen to me Cub, whatever it is you're doing wait until I come okay." Wolf's voice carried clearly across the room but didn't sound in anyway bossy. "I'm on my way okay?"

Alex stared at Rachel even angrier than before. "I thought you weren't coming back till three days from now." he shot back accusingly "That's what she said."

"I'm requesting an emergency leave okay, so I can deal with my family."

"So you could have come all this time and you didn't? You just ignore me until she tells you I've lost it?" the note of betrayal was stronger now.

"I did not know that you needed me so badly Cub none of us did., But I'm on my way now so just sit down and wait for me. Its an emergency now."

"YOU, YOU!" He could seem to come up with the word and Rachel narrowly dodged the back pack. The tears were steadily coming down again "You didn't tell him! You just let me suffer waiting for him when he could have come already."

"Rachel, are you alright!" Wolf grew much more alarmed

"Yes," she hastily replied trying to dodge Alex's next move.

"No Alex! She did tell me." Wolf was shouting now "I just didn't know how bad it was."

Alex completely ignored him and tried to reach her from behind the sofa.

"Alex! If you hit her, something awful is going to happen to you!"

Alex stopped immediately, terrified

"No James. Please, you're the only one he trusts now." She couldn't tell which frightened her more; the look in his eyes when he was aiming to hit her or now when he eyes were laced with terror.

"That trust must come with respect." Wolf responded coldly "If you can't control yourself at all then I'm not coming. She'll call the police and they'll deal with you. Don't you dare hit my wife."

Alex started backing towards the front door. He looked devastated as his last window of help seemed to close before him. "I won't call the police Alex." Rachel tried to amend the damage "I want to help you. He didn't mean it."

"Stop lying to me." He screamed stepping out onto the porch "Stop telling lies!"

"Maybe you could stay with Jack again." she offered hesitantly, rushing up to the door.

"She doesn't want me either." he sobbed grabbing his hair. "She won't return my calls or messages, she's glad I'm gone."

"I'm not gonna leave you like this Cub, I'm still coming." Wolf interjected

Alex didn't seem to hear.

"Alex?" Rachel tried to reach for him but he jumped down from the porch and left. Hands deep in his pockets and dejection the predominant emotion on his face.

"Don't go to him Rachel. Just let him alone until he calms down."

"He just left." her voice fairly trembled. She turned off speaker so she could put the phone to her ears again. "And I have no idea where he went. You should have seen the look on his face when you said you wouldn't come. Do you have to be so insensitive?"

"Depressed or not, there are still certain boundaries he must respect. Besides I said I wouldn't come _if_ he did cross that line."

"He's not rational right now James,he's far from it. He didn't even seem to hear that part." She sighed deeply "I really hope this hasn't pushed him over the edge."

"Look I should be there in two hours tops. In the meantime notify the police of the situation in case things get really bad."

"Okay. Hurry back please .This was never supposed to happen. I really don't want him to -. Just hurry back."

"I am."

After Wolf was granted permission to leave. He headed back to the barracks he shared with K-unit to grab his stuff and go.

His teammates immediately noticed his ashen face.

"What is it?" Eagle demanded

For a moment Wolf didn't answer while he stuffed a couple of things into a bag. It was after his friends had exchanged worried glances that he summarized it for them.

"Cub has gone completely mental. If I don't get back now I'm probably going to find him dead somewhere."

"You're talking suicide?" Eagle was shocked

Wolf nodded

"Why? That night mare stuff from last week?" Snake found hard to believe.

"Its everything." Wolf explained "The lack of sleep in over a week has just kind of compounded it all. Everything he's saying, he's really hurting" he looked pained "Apparently Jack is avoiding him, he doesn't trust me anymore and in this dream he has, Scorpia is after him and no one will help. All the trauma he's been through is finally messing with his mind."

To make things worse he's been waiting for me to get back; waiting out from sleep till I come and help but I didn't know."

"Shit." Fox whispered "poor kid."

Wolf nodded "I've gotta go if I'm gonna get there before something happens."

"Let us know how it goes as soon as you can." Snake called as he left

"Yeah"

"and tell him we miss him." Eagle added

"I doubt he's going to believe a word I say about anything." Was Wolf's solemn reply

"Just make sure you bring him home again, alive." Snake commanded him

"I'm gonna do my best." and he was gone

"How the hell did things get so bad for that kid?" Eagle asked aloud after awhile

Fox gave him a grave look "Do you really have to ask yourself that question?"

Wolf had never been a cautious driver. But he'd never driven this far above the speed limit either. 30 miles over the speed limit for about half an hour and he hadn't been caught yet but he wasn't going to push his luck. To get pulled over by the police for speeding would be a detrimental setback.

He slowed down slightly, preparing to merge with the traffic on the motorway and pressed on only slightly faster than he should of.

* * *

><p>Alex aimlessly walked around in the park, dead on his feet and mostly so in his heart.<p>

Losing his temper back there had really blown it for him. Now, even if he could hold out till Friday, when Wolf had to come back, the man would probably still want nothing to do with him.

He sat down on a lone bench miserably cold and tired, he'd forgotten to bring a coat but now that he couldn't show his face at that house again he would have to do without one.

After a long while of feeling sorry for himself, he decided to give Jack a try again. Maybe, just maybe she would take him back.

"Hello," her voice answered as he remembered it

"Hi Jack, its Alex" his voice was soft and tired

"Oh Alex! How are you?" To Alex's ears she sounded less enthusiastic to hear from him than the last time they spoke.

He couldn't bring himself to lie to her about how he felt so he completely avoided the question to avoid

the truth.

"How are you?"

"I'm doing okay under the circumstances. I'm going to be fitted for a prosthetic next week which is pretty soon considering everything. And I'm catching up on all that I've missed. "

"Oh...I'm sorry Jack." And he really was.

"It's not your fault Alex don't blame yourself. I don't know how many times am I going to have to tell you that." she said but he knew it was a lie.

"So how is life back home?" he asked instead

"Let go of it Alex. I mean it, you've done nothing but help people including me; don't vilify yourself."

"Okay," he whispered reluctantly before repeating his question.

"Its was almost foreign to me at first you know, after hanging around you Brits with your accents and your tea," she laughed "It took a little adjusting to life without you around but I'm mostly managing. Things are slow, not quite interesting and just a bit awkward right now but it's getting better."

"That's good that you've adjusted to your true home again." Alex carefully answered before asking

"You know I wanted to ask you something, I was kind of wandering; Where do you think I should spend Christmas?"

"Well, how are Rachel and James to you, do th-"

"As expected, nothing really extraordinary." he answered seeing her response as the first step in an attempt to push him away.

"Oh so you'd rather not stay there?"

He didn't answer

"Well you could come down here if you wanted..." she did not sound as enthusiastic as Alex would have .

"But we had already sort of planned to go to my sister-in-law's for Christmas and New Year's. I missed my brother's wedding you see so they're sort of making up for it." she continued gently "But I understand if you don't want to stay up there right now, I'll just-"

"No, its okay." He knew it was the answer she wanted to hear anyway. "I don't want to intrude, that's your real family and you've missed out on a lot it seems."

"But you're my family too Alex; I want to spend time with you" there another lie

"No, really go ahead. I hope you have a good time with them and I really, really am sorry about your arm Jack. I hope you forgive me. For everything."

"Oh of course I do Alex, you're not to blame. These things could not be helped. If you could you would of prevented it. Its those other blokes to blame."

"Thanks, well good night."

"Okay, good night Alex, love you."

"You too."

Alex hung up the phone with tears in his eyes. Not once had Jack said she missed him.

Most obviously she did not. She was getting along well without him and did not want to be reminded of the cause of her accident. Besides she was probably afraid of him putting her in danger again, with good reason.

No, he could not go back to her, ever. Even if she wanted him around he couldn't do that to her.

He began formulating a text message to the only person he had really ever had a chance with. He was going to beg if he had to, but he didn't have high hopes.

* * *

><p>Wolf was carefully pushing his speed up to 100 mph again, trying to cover more distance, when he heard the ring tone for his text messages. For an instant he was tempted to ignore it, thinking his present task as far more important. But the next second he knew it had to do with the situation and he berated himself for nearly causing more damage. He slowed down slightly and snatched the phone from its charger next to him.<p>

Sure enough it was Alex. The caller id image that Wolf had chosen, Alex's half of the picture Rachel had shot as they prepared to go to the investiture ceremony, was staring back at him showing a stark difference between the Alex he knew and the one that had sprung up of late.

The message read:

"Im sorry Wolf. I didn't mean 2 hurt

Rachel. I just couldn't believe she could

have done that to me. But I really didn't

hit her. I do respect your boundaries.

So please can u come back. I can't keep

living with this & you r my only hope

now. Please help"

Wolf slowed down a little further trying to take in the message. He thought that Wolf wasn't coming. That he was just going to leave him all alone like that. And a voice said to him _"You gave him that idea idiot. You who apparently couldn't have found a better way to stop him but with threats. Is it really all that wrong to assume you meant it?"_

Wolf pushed the speed up to a precarious 105mph and speed dialed Alex's number. There was no way he was going to let that kid look to him for any help he could give and he fall short of his expectations.

After quite a few rings Alex finally picked up.

"Alex?" no answer "Cub are you there?"

"Yes" Wolf could barely hear him, his voice seemed to have no substance.

"Cub, where are you right now?"

"I don't know, I'm just walking around."

"Listen Alex, I only wanted to make sure you didn't hurt Rachel okay? I am on my way right now. I've been driving for the past 45 minutes so I can be there for you."

There was a long pause, then, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you coming to help me? Is it because Rachel asked you to?"

"Listen Cub, First off I wouldn't have known you needed me until Rachel told me so and second-"

What did she tell you?" Alex interrupted and Wolf couldn't get over how eerily dead Alex's voice sounded.

"She told me that she thought you were about to hurt yourself, something serious and that she could not stop you. She said it was because of the nightmares you were having that she had mentioned before. Whatever it is that she's done that's made you so angry with her can be explained.

She would never willingly hurt you Alex; that woman loves you more than you know, and neither would I. I don't want to see you hurt and most definitely not dead. So I'm driving at over a 105 mph right now so I can get to you before you lose your cool. That's why I'm coming."

"I don't have a cool right now." Alex answered cryptically after a moment. "I'm just scared."

"Why Cub? You're one of the bravest people I know, what is scaring you?" Wolf inquired patiently

"The dream Wolf." he sound tearful "I want to believe you, that you're coming, but in my dream, you won't help me. You're afraid of Scorpia Wolf, and I think that's true. I think that's why the dream is so real ; its true. But I can't handle another attack. I can't deal with it any more."

It was Wolf's turn to be silent for awhile trying to figure out how to assuage his fears, how to reassure him. "Alex, how would it make you feel if I told you that I am afraid of Scorpia?"

Alex didn't answer

"Because I am, I'm afraid of them because of what they might do to you. I really don't want you to die Alex so I'd never sit still and let them do that." Wolf explained "I'd rather they catch me than kill you."

Alex did not answer

"Do you understand Alex?"

Still no answer

"Alex did you hear me?"

"I understand now." he sounded absolutely terrified "Its all clear."

"Alex what are you talking about? What's wrong now?" his fear was laced with frustration

"That's why you don't save me Wolf, I don't die. They've kept me alive, so you keep your distance before they kill you."

"Alex what do you mean, of course I'd still-" The line had gone dead.

"Alex!"

He cursed severely as he redialed the number but he only got voice-mail. He was worse off than before. He threw the phone into the passengers seat and pushed his speed up as far as he dared. Something told him that Alex had made up his mind.

Over an hour had passed since he had spoken to Wolf, but Alex had just reached his destination. He still had a few minutes of time before he could step onto the track so he decided to send Wolf another text to give him the details for the burial.

Wolf was about to reenter the city when he got the next text from Alex. He always had trouble afterwards, describing the way he felt as he'd read that last message, realizing without any further doubt that Alex was _dead_ serious.

"I just wanted 2 ask u 2 make sure

I'm buried next to my uncle at the

Kensal Green cemetery, please. You should

find my body somewhere near the gospel

oak rail station."

Wolf stared at the screen in disbelief. He tried calling again, a hundred percent sure Alex wouldn't answer. Of course he didn't.

Wolf slammed the steering wheel and yelled in frustration, furiously blinking away tears that were settling in just as the reality of what Alex was doing set in.

"Why the fuck couldn't you wait? Huh! What the hell are you trying to prove?" The light finally turned green and he drove on making his way to the mentioned railway in the hopes of finding him still alive. And then a sudden idea gave him a slim ray of hope. He quickly called Rachel.

"Rachel, listen. Check and tell me when does the next train arrive at Gospel Oak Rail Station. I need to know now."

"Okay, I'm checking." she knew now was not the time to ask questions so she rushed over to the computer and brought up the transportation website. After a minute she found the information. "Okay the next and last one leaves at 10:45"

"My God! That's only ten minutes from now." Wolf exclaimed as he raced through the back streets at a dangerous speed.

Before Rachel had a chance to ask anything else Wolf quickly hung up. "I'll call you in a bit." He said in a voice rough with emotion.

Alex slowly, wearily, climbed the small hill that the tracks were situated on. This particular train station was the closest to him. If he chose his position diligently then he could probably catch the train going at top speed.

He positioned himself on the tracks facing away from the direction the train would hit him in knowing that he had about ten minutes to deliberate over his very final decision.

It was amazing to Alex just how depressed he felt in his severely fatigued state. He felt so alone, and dejected. When he tried to think of what he could do tomorrow if he simply spared his life today, he found absolutely nothing to be desired in the next day or the day after that or after that.

For instance, would he ever sleep again? He probably would but it would only be to find pain and immense grief. The weight of those two pulled him down so completely, so mercilessly that death was a viable option. Why not die? Who should he stay for? Jack? Tom? His new guardians? MI6? Himself?

No. It was not a fair trade off. There was too much pain. Not enough love. Pure lies and no actual truth. Nothing happy, just pain.

He had fallen asleep with Rachel's promise in the forefront of his mind and the excruciating heartbreak of finding himself in the same predicament, when he had so vigorously believed in a reprieve from it, left him shattered.

He just couldn't, couldn't believe in the good anymore. She had utterly let him down and that let down just brought to the fore every false expectation he had blindly held dear and true.

Everyone had let him down.

His parents left him behind.

His uncle had left him behind to a dangerous world.

Jack didn't care for him anymore.

Tom let him down.

Rachel lied to him and he suffered for it.

Wolf let him down. His last hope.

Deep down, having a special relationship with Wolf that he could not understand, he had believed that he could help. But he understood now that although Wolf really did care for him, he would never truly understand his pain until it killed him.

Wolf would remember him but he could not help. Alex was sure that no one could help now and he craved it no longer... until he saw a movement about 30 meters away and to the left of him. A shadowy brown black creature with excessive spines over its whole body and a squat hideous head with a mouth that dwarfed the rest of its features. Crawling on all fours, the creature slowly emerging from the bushes with a fearfully loud train-like whistle issuing from its mouth as it drew in on its prey. The same mouth that Alex now feared with perfect terror.

He was alone, weak and petrified, wishing so vociferously that Wolf could have helped help him in this desperate hour of need. He was completely out of his element and the demon approaching him was entirely in its.

He didn't even have the courage to scream.

Wolf jumped out of the truck and clambered up the little hill and onto the gentle curve that ran along the trees heading to the station. He'd heard the train whistle. It was close but he didn't know if it had already...

He gulped down a growing well of dread that was swelling in his throat and started to shout Alex's name.

Alex trembled uncontrollably. The monster had roared again taunting him with the sound of the instrument he had chosen to bring about his death. Then as it leisurely approached, it called his name once, then twice. Then asked "Where is Wolf, Alex?"

And then the phrase that Alex heard in his own mind was coming from its mouth. "He's not coming."

Wolf made the split second decision to go to his right in search of Alex; closer to the train itself.

He ran along the track continually calling him, his voice came across as frantic. He had never felt this helpless and stupid before. He couldn't pinpoint what he had done but he knew this was somehow his fault. He abandoned any semblance of self control and screamed for him with a heart-breaking yell.

"Alex, please answer me!"

Absolutely no answer.

He became aware of the rumbling of the tracks under his feet and he felt even more helpless. He couldn't even find the kid much less save him.

Alex knew he should have been running away, but his body would not respond. The beast coming towards him had grown to immense proportions and was greatly rumbling the track with every step, still tauntingly calling his name. Sometimes even calling him "Cub" as though mocking the absence of his only savior.

Suddenly, no longer patient and taunting, the demon charged at him running full speed. Then Alex realized why; Wolf had just come into view running towards him as fast as he could. The rumbling and whistling was constant now and so was a horrible screeching noise he couldn't pinpoint.

The familiar look of terror on Wolf's face was there in real life now but Alex screamed for his help none the less. Just as the beast took a flying leap towards him. Wolf screamed something that he couldn't hear and jumped toward him as well.

Wolf was losing hope that Alex was in this direction. The train was pretty close and if Alex wasn't around the next bend then Wolf would have to some how out run the train to get to him first. Somehow he just didn't see that happening.

Then out of no where, he just suddenly saw him. Standing on the tracks seemingly paralyzed with fear, The look that was on his face as he gazed at something straight ahead of him that Wolf could not see, was nothing if not terror itself. The train that Wolf could now see was closing in on him. Yard for yard, the train would get to Alex before Wolf did and that would be it.

Wolf yelled at Alex to move just as Alex was begging for his help. He felt a burning in his legs as he ran faster than was possible.

He had to make it.

The train was a meter away.

Wolf did a powerful leap, heading straight for the train.

Alex heard a loud crunch and thump and he was flying through the air before hitting the adjacent rail hard, badly bruising his back and then he was rolling engulfed in someone's arms until they came to an abrupt stop by the concrete walkway the passengers were meant to stand on. He looked back and noticed the object of his great fear slaughtered on the tracks, being run over by the train, then it abruptly disappeared altogether.

And when he looked back he noticed Wolf, worried looking, glisteny eyed Wolf staring back at him.

Alex broke in to the widest tearful grin he had ever felt compelled to do.

He attacked Wolf, uncharateristically hugging him around the neck so tightly, crying into his shoulder.

"You came! Damn Wolf, you really came!" the sounds were muffled with the crying and laughing and what with his mouth in Wolf shoulder but the man could make them out and tears sprung to his own eyes.

He pulled back and look Alex in the face. "Of course I came you imbecile. You stupid, stupid kid." He shook him for good measure with each word. "Don't even THINK of doing such a dumb-ass thing again!" he pulled him back into a tight hug.

They stayed that way for a moment just savoring the feeling of being alive. Then Alex pulled back looking a happy, teary eyed, dead on his feet, mess.

"You came through for me." Alex stated as though in wonderment "You fixed everything." He laughed out loud hugged him again. He could hear Wolf's heart still slowing down from his adrenaline rush.

After a minute, Wolf helped him up onto the platform where they sat in the provided benches. He pulled him close against the chill of the night.

"You really scared the shit out of me Cub." He began quietly "I mean really. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, So help me God, I'm gonna teach you a lesson."

"I'm sorry Wolf. I'm sorry." Alex mumbled exhaustively "That's all I could do. No one gave me a better way."

Wolf thought that over for a moment.

"I wanna ask you something." he finally asked in a soft voice

"Yeah?" Alex yawned mightily

"Why wouldn't you get off the tracks? I mean you wanted to right? But you wouldn't budge."

"That thing was coming for me I-"

"But there was nothing there Cub just-"

"Yes there was." Alex answered firmly. "I know you couldn't see it but it was real for me." He seemed content to leave it at that, but after a few moments, he continued.

"It was the thing in my dream that would devour me alive every time I fell asleep." He glanced over at the tracks for a trace that did not exist.

"You know that it was a hallucination then," Wolf explained "from the lack of sleep."

A pause. "Yes, but hallucinations still feel real Wolf."

"I understand." Wolf answered quietly, gently rubbing Alex back. The spot where he had hit the tracks was beginning to swell, but Alex didn't seem to notice.

"But there's another thing." When he didn't continue Alex looked up at him and noticed that Wolf looked particularly sad.

"Why did you think that I would rather see you in pain for the rest of your life rather than put myself on the line for you? I thought you understood me that much at least." He finally made eye contact with Alex.

"Why the hell would you try and knock your #$% head off with a train when I told you I was coming." He was trying to keep from getting mad. "Don't you think I care?"

"Honestly Wolf, its not you, I don't know when everything got so bad. I know that I believed in you at first but after days of the same thing every night, I just started to wonder." He yawned so widely Wolf felt even worse for him. "I just don't know where this all came from."

"Look, never mind it all, just get some sleep. You think you can sleep now?"

Alex nodded drowsily "You killed it." He explained simply, his eyes drifting shut.

Wolf nodded and wrapped Alex in his coat.

"Sleep well Cub." He whispered surprised to find just how much this kid meant to him. How much his opinions meant. How much it would hurt if he died.

They sat like that for about an hour; Alex dead to the world in a dreamless sleep and Wolf protecting him as he just sat and thought. Eventually his phone rang and he had to apologized to Rachel for not filling her in earlier.

"He's fine now."

"Are you sure? Is he..."

"No he's right here; sleeping. There was a sort of climax to everything. I'll explain when we get back but it seems everything is fine right now. I think we should take him to a doctor though. I'm sure this is coming from all the traumatic situations he's been in. Makes perfect sense."

"Thank God. I was thinking the same thing. Poor child's been through a lot. Are you on your way back?"

"Yeah I guess we should head back now. I'll see you in a bit."

"You okay Jamie?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just thoughtful. I...I was nearly too late."

"He's lucky he's got someone like you looking out for him now. Someone who can put up with it but still keep him safe. He needs to learn to appreciate that."

"That's for sure. We'll be home in a few minutes."

"See you then."

Wolf looked down at Alex as he slid the phone back into his pockets. He knew there was no way the kid was waking anytime soon. So he gently scooped him up. And carefully picked his way over the tracks and down the little hill.

Alex had lost some weight but he wasn't light. Still Wolf knew that even if he had dropped him while coming down the hill, the kid still wouldn't have woken up. He had dark patches under his eyes and he was a dead weight in Wolf's arms. Flopping here and there.

Wolf laid him in the back seat of the truck and reclined the seat so he could lay back with his seat belt. Then he just stood for a moment watching.

He was going to teach him to trust and to feel safe again. He climbed into the driver seat and headed home.

He was going to teach him about an untouchable place that he hadn't known in a while called Home and that the people there were people you could trust.

* * *

><p><strong>Let me know what you think. I imagine some people might feel that Alex was a little OOC but when you are depressed or suicidal everything is different.<strong>

**Anyway thanks for reading.**


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